Sex History

Sex: How It Has Changed Throughout History (and Why We’re So Grateful for It)

Mankind’s collective genitals have been through the ringer throughout history, with some of the most disturbing things having been done shamelessly in the name of a good orgasm. Yes, this naturally occurring physical phenomenon will always be a catalyst for creativity, even if that means masturbating with items that could potentially kill us just to discover the next best thing. We’re all guilty of experimentation; it’s just that some of us take it a little too far.

If you’re one of those people who has been caught jerking off or flicking your bean to the beat of your own drum, then you already know that the struggle is very real. Orgasms can be hard to come by these days, even with so much at our fingertips. Too many good people go down the wrong road simply because they’re unaware of just how far mankind has come since the glory days of self-pleasure. Forced to satisfy their sexual cravings through otherwise embarrassing and dangerous means, uneducated perverts everywhere are starting to drop like flies.

Fortunately, the history books don’t lie, as you’ll soon discover. At least not when it comes to what we’ve all been doing to our bodies in our spare time, the evidence is there. Read between the lines and you’ll find out just how desperately we’ve sought good sex as a species. And as the pages turn, you’ll also discover exactly why it’s so important to have the high-end, high-tech sex toys we have today.

Sex in Ancient Times

Obviously, masturbation got its roots in the ancient world right about the time the first caveman noticed he had a dick and a pair of hands. Back then, though, men and women were limited to masturbating with whatever had been discovered by their underdeveloped scientists and philosophers, or lack thereof. Thinking that mere physical contact with the genitals was enough to instigate a decent orgasm, our slutty ancestors would beat their meat with all manner of things and then wonder why it just wasn’t hitting the spot.

In fact, archaeologists have unearthed countless examples of this not-so-intelligent sexual intelligence exhibited by our forefathers. Items such as hollowed-out stale baguettes, candle wax molds and leftover animal pelts were the norm for ancient male masturbation enthusiasts. As for the ladies, apparently all they needed was an old cucumber to get the job done. In recent years, however, there were a few thousand chalk and/or stone dildos found lying around in abandoned European and Middle Eastern villages.

Ancient sex was not only weird and rudimentary but it was also extremely dangerous. Gals and gents died every day from avoidable diseases and sex-related injuries that, fortunately, seem silly to the modern mind. However, had it not been for their brazen depravity that led to the developments of today’s relatively advanced sex toy world, we would all be picking out our favorite granite dildos instead of countertops.

Sex Not So Long Ago

Fast forward a few years and things finally started to look up for horny men and women everywhere. At the turn of the century, especially once the Women’s Rights, Civil Rights and Sexual Liberation movements got underway, human sexuality took on a whole new meaning. No longer were people entangled in socially awkward situations just to get an orgasm. No more did mankind have to explain their urges to a community that just didn’t understand. Suddenly, we all had the right and the power to be ourselves, and some of us turned out to be freaks.

Still, there was plenty left to learn about sex, sexuality and masturbation as we rounded off the last millennium. For instance, in the Western world, it wasn’t until the late 1960s that the female orgasm was even considered a real thing. Up until that point, ladies had to take what they could get from their selfish and ignorant partners or, better yet, get a prescription for a dildo/vibrator from their family doctor. Talk about an awkward conversation.

Yes, women were thought to have a form of hysteria if they were horny. Given oversimplified devices that lacked effectiveness as much as charm, ladies were forced to crank out their sexual frustrations using products that virtually ignored the clitoris and keep the g-spot locked in a dungeon. When it came to the men, however, orgasm was considered a mandatory part of life. Pocket pussies and handheld blowjob machines started springing up everywhere and the trend has never stopped.

Sex These Days

Fortunately, we’ve all come to our senses regarding the realities of sex and sexuality. Not only is the woman’s orgasm now understood and appreciated like never before, but the male orgasm hasn’t lost any of its respect as a result. Truly the most anti-sexist activities known to man, sex and masturbation are also no longer considered taboos that are practiced only by weirdos in their grandmother’s basement.

Today’s top-notch sexuality devices (AKA “marital aids”) are super sexy, modern, sleek, affordable and easy to use. They’re made from skin-safe materials and don’t have to be refrigerated after opening. Some even work in unison with one another for a real-time sexual experience that rivals the real thing. None of those adjectives apply to ancient sex toys, and your mother’s marital aids were a pathetic excuse for progress at best.

Modern-day sex toys (especially the ones for couples) have some pretty amazing characteristics that were once just figments of a dirty dreamer’s vivid imagination. The average user is now free to explore design/feature options that make the experience hyper-realistic and extremely pleasurable. There are things like Bluetooth connectivity, virtual reality events, downloadable content, smart device apps, wireless controls, rechargeable batteries and Sync Technologies just to scratch the surface.

Sex History in Review

Indeed, we’ve come a long way since the days of Flintstone fuck sticks and crouton crotches, but nobody would be happier about that than the poor saps who blistered their genitals with makeshift sex toys over the years. From chalk and stone to sex toys that gyrate on their own, the modern world is now filled with more ways to fuck yourself than the Dark Ages.

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